by Christel Jorgenson, Friends Meeting at Cambridge (Massachusetts)
Christel Jorgenson is a member of Friends Meeting at Cambridge in New England Yearly Meeting, where she helps guide their monthly family worship as well as helping with some curriculum development. She’s involved in the Quaker Religious Education Collaborative, an international grassroots collaborative. Currently a landscape gardener, her last incarnation was as the Youth and Education Secretary for NEYM, where she led the regional high school youth group and worked with monthly meetings around religious education. She’d like to put family worship information into a booklet form and to write more about worship metaphors.
Introduction
It matters that children learn that worship is what we do as a community of faith, that everyone is welcome, that their worship matters. When we teach children that their worship matters, we teach them that they are enough right here and right now as members of the church community. They don’t need to wait until they can believe, pray or worship a certain way to be welcome here, and I know adults who are still looking to be shown that. It matters that children learn that they are an integral part of this church, that their prayers, their songs, and even their (badly or perfectly timed depending on who you ask) cries and whines are a joyful noise because it means they are present.
—From “Dear Parents with Young Children in Church”
Iamtotallythatmom blogspot
What a challenge our form of worship is for children! Even if you just consider the visuals—“still forms on every side”—it looks like a room full of adults either falling asleep or being punished with a “time out!” How can children be helped to feel the depth, the quickening, the opportunity to encounter God that draws us together?
I would like to share what many of us at Cambridge Friends Meeting have found helpful. For many years we’ve had what we call “Family Worship” the first Sunday of each month, held in the social room at the same hour as traditional unprogrammed worship in the meetinghouse. First Day School is not held that Sunday; the preschool through sixth grade children and their parents, along with any older youth or adults who wish to come, are invited. It serves as a chance for families to get acquainted, and for the rest of the meeting to have an opportunity to interact with children and families. It’s also a monthly break for First Day School teachers, since Family Worship help is recruited from outside the teacher pool.
When I volunteered to be the new coordinator of the Family Worship, I knew many teachers and parents were hungering for help in developing their children’s unprogrammed worship skills. How can we help children understand our worship? Can we use a program to enhance the unprogrammed experience? I also wanted to have an active time with children, giving them a space to praise and rejoice with body and voice, to use their eagerness and sense of wonder and imagination. I had in mind the work of Jerome Berryman and Godly Play™. His premise is that young children can be immersed in the mystery of scripture in their own, concrete-thinking kind of way, using their bodies, imagination, and play to relate to God and their worshipping community. I share his sense that our Christian heritage has deep stories to tell. I wanted our children to hear them, to experience them as much as possible, in a way that invites them in. There are also children’s stories that have so many levels of meaning that relate to our faith and practice. I also wanted something that adults might be able to enter experientially.
When I say these words, I wonder how close we have come to this ideal. I know that we have had moments. Does it work for everyone? Probably not. Not all parents and kids participate. But I feel that if it’s done with love and care, it might be significant for many. I don’t feel required to please everyone, but to be faithful as God leads.
What We Do
Over time we have settled into a format that seems to work for us and our community.
We have about 70 minutes, taking the time that “big meeting” uses for worship plus the time for announcements. It often feels short because there is so much we’d like to do together.
We provide consistency and continuity. We want to include each time: Community building that helps us know each other better. Allowing the participants to use their voices and bodies. Food for thought for both children and adults. A chance to be creative. Help in understanding what’s happening or could happen during worship on the basis of silence. A time of worshipful quiet.
Our program format:
A. Welcome
This is very short. It may include an overview of what we’re doing today and our theme.
B. Singing
We start with a joyful noise! For our members who miss music in Quakerism, we have a program! We repeat some songs month to month. “Praise Ye the Lord,” with its up and down movements and loudness, is our classic opener. We always have some action songs plus some songs to tie in with the theme. We use a flip chart in front, which records our repertoire. We are also experimenting with an overhead projection of song lyrics and for use later in the program for illustrations if we’re using a book. We try to balance simplicity (to include the youngest) and thematic message. Starting with music gives the latecomers an easy integration and also rewards the on-time folks with more fun.
C. Reiteration of welcome and introductions
This is a chance to hear from everyone and get a sense of the personalities in the room. Some children may choose to have their parent speak for them. We usually use “my name and . . . . . ” that will reinforce the theme and/or community. We find that positive topics set the stage for a positive experience. “My name and my favorite thing about fall” for instance. We look for a topic that both adults and children can answer.
D. A story
This is where things become more variable. It might be a picture book, with either the book held up for seeing illustrations or projected overhead or enlarged to 11×17 at the copy center. It might be a story teller with no illustrations. It might be a flannel board. Or some ‘actors’ dramatizing a story. Or objects on the floor in the “Faith and Play/Godly Play” mode. It could be someone talking about their own experience. It has been someone dancing and leading others in dancing. It has been talking about drumming and leading others in drumming.
E. Response
We invite a response to the story, first with a few open-ended questions and then usually an activity, art or craft work, or something verbal. This is often the invitation to creativity and joy. We have done many different things, depending on the book: making a terrarium from found objects outside; making a banner; making cards for absent friends; pantomimes in small groups; collages; small dioramas; decorating cookies; and on!
F. An introduction to open worship time
The introduction is kept short and as physical as possible. A rug to sit on in the center, a small chest where a candle is set and lit, and dimming the lights, together form the continuity of experience to create an environment that is open to the spirit and kid friendly. Something to hold in one’s hand often helps a young one center, so something may be passed out as we settle. It can also be a tie to a worship metaphor (see the appendix).
G. Unprogrammed worship
This may be fairly brief, something between ten and twenty minutes. Sometimes there is verbal guidance. The point has not been to make the time longer (though that would/could be a worthy goal), but to develop a sense of a worshipping space that we’re all in together. It’s perfectly fine if the youngest end up going to the nursery when they get chatty or restless. They have had a time of community and preparation which may help them to sit longer as they get older.
H. Reflections from worship
One may need only ask, “Is there anything someone would like to share from their experience?” This also can’t be too extended because the children are usually ready to jump up from their places as soon as we begin shaking hands at rise of meeting.
I. Announcements and helping to put the room back in usual order.
Tips
- 1. Share information
- Post the agenda and refer to it each time. Send mailers to families. This helps newcomers, creates the security of repetition for the children.
- 2. Use singing
- a. Using song posters or overhead projection is preferable to individual song sheets or books because we’re all looking up at the same thing, thus the song leader gets our eyes.
- b. Repeat songs and use some action songs. These facilitate learning and understanding, especially for the youngest ones.
- c. Think about the process of singing—self-expression within a structure, unity, harmony, emotional connection, relationship to theme. Allow the music to help you; the mood of a song can help with the transition to the next portion of the program.
- d. Don’t be afraid to clap or cheer (often a spontaneous response to a rousing song). The enthusiasm up front is usually infectious.
- 3. Create a physical environment that makes quiet worship time special
- a. Allow kids to sit on the floor. Remember that on chairs they usually can’t reach the floor with their feet and so are “ungrounded.” This is where children play. Consider the earth as a reliable foundation, a place to make a connection. Make the floor space special with a rug and/or pillows and pads.
- b. Give the children a worship posture to facilitate centering down. We explain to the children, “if you sit on the floor, it’s with your bottom on the floor, legs crossed, not touching anyone unless you’re with your parent.” This choice gives freedom while serving to remind the children that this is not ordinary time or space. One of our hopes is that the children will develop an appreciation of how discipline can be helpful in arriving at a spiritual goal.
- c. Light a candle—the light of Christ, the light of God, inside and outside us. You can close your eyes and it’s still there. It moves but it stays in the same place. It is a lively visual focus.
- d. Dim the lights in the room. This creates intimacy and cuts down on outside stimulation and distractions. It also gives a visual clue to slow down and be contemplative, and can be an invitation to try to see with “different eyes.”
- 4. Welcome the arts, invite responding without words
- Use pictures and symbols. Consider self-expression as part of the holy. Offering options increases the sense of freedom. Think about appealing to all the senses and what different forms response to a story can take.
- 5. Have no one segment longer than 15 minutes and provide stretch breaks Respect attention spans and remember that young bodies need to move.
- 6. Invite adults who are not parents to be present
- Children are usually expected to adjust to adult environments, but in family worship the adults are given opportunities to make any necessary adjustments. Entering into one another’s environments is a sign of love and caring. Can we be open to it, even if it means compromising the “purity” of one’s worship time?
- 7. Prepare as thoroughly as possible
- I recommend working out a detailed outline. Practice saying everything. Check times for each activity to see how it all fits in the allotted time. Share the outline with your team.
- 8. Strive to develop a team
- Have a few as the core group, some just for a particular task. Be on the lookout for people to join the planning team or offer some skill or craft, happily if it represents different ages and gender presenting. Find ways to let kids volunteer. Be somewhat realistic about what people can take on. I have always felt it ideal to have some “regulars” greet people at the door, but parents with children often don’t arrive ‘til the last minute or later. A family might be coached to be the planning and presenting team for one session.
- 9. Don’t expect consistent success, either from your ideas or from the response. Kids’ responsiveness varies. Sometimes they’re cooperative and fully engaged, and some days they’re “off” and nothing seems to work. Children tend to be more expressive of their inward state than adults. This comes with the territory. Don’t let one negative experience with a child give you anxiety. Work on relationships, finding things to praise, looking for the kinds of activities that children will most enjoy. Think about ways that the more active children might work off a little energy before entering the room or maybe let an antsy child pace around in the back of the room. If a child doesn’t seem engaged, try to explore why with the child and/or parent.
- 10. Work the program
Expect a shakedown cruise. People will be anxious at first (including you, the facilitator) and that can make people cross or confrontational. Don’t take it personally. Try to ask for feedback and use it for future planning, with a healthy dose of evaluation on your part for whether it improves the experience. It may also just not be a format that works for particular children and adults. Hopefully your meeting can offer something for them, too. - 11. Get input, especially from parents
How was this experience for them? How was it for their child? What kinds of activities does their child enjoy the most? Let parents know how they can develop more worship skills at home. - 12. Get help
Go to ministry and counsel (or similar committee) to report and ask for advice. Make sure there’s prayer support from them, both in meetings and from committee representatives in worship with you. Personally ask good pray-ers that you know to come to worship. And, of course, pray yourself! Divine guidance is essential. I believe there is a Shepherd who desires to work in our midst, Love that wishes to be expressed in our community, if we can be sensitive to the leadings.
Appendix 1
About Symbolism and Spiritual Metaphor
In helping children to understand worship, I have looked for physical metaphors. I realize that that is dangerous territory for a Quaker, since we have long appreciated George Fox’s admonitions to avoid empty symbolism. Our meetinghouses are, generally speaking, devoid of traditional church symbols. Yet we also try to make our physical surroundings consistent with our principles, which will be symbolic on some level. Our lack of a steeple or of stained glass windows or of altars and the prevailing simplicity of form speak to what we believe. Yet there is also symbolism to be overcome, especially for a child: how can we overcome the “sleeping” or “time out” connotations of sitting in silence? How can we exemplify what is going on inside?
- At family worship we use:
- – a rug for a special place, connection to the earth
- – a candle for light, inner light, God’s presence with us
- – dimming lights for the need to shut out outside distractions, to see with different eyes
- At times, we have also used:
- – a multicolor, shiny ribbon or yarn to “wrap twice around your hand and pass it on”, which connected us all, like the spirit of God in worship
- – a tree with our personalized bird cutouts hanging on it, like us, separate and unique, but all supported and sustained by the Spirit, one family
- – a finger labyrinth, to find the way to the center
- – image of God collages made by each person, showing how God may appear in a different form to different people
- – an object from nature, gathered on a group walk, that connects us to the web of life – a seed, chosen from a variety of seeds and seed pods, to hold in worship to remember the seed of God in each of us
- – a shaken jar with glitter or silt, which becomes clearer, as we do, as it sits [page 55, “Opening Doors to Quaker Worship”, Friends General Conference, 1994]
- – a ‘singing bowl’ that continues vibrating and ‘singing’ long after it has been rung (and which will not ring if it is filled up with rocks or sand)
- – a clear glass bowl, the ‘container’ of worship, God’s presence, that holds us with whatever we bring to worship [Description by Melinda Wenner Bradley on the QREC website.]
I find the ribbon/yarn passing to be powerful. The corporate sense of worship is a mystical reality that can be elusive. We don’t come together just to hear messages or to sit in silence; we hunger for the sense of the sacred space and connection that is made by our presence together listening for God’s voice. When the kids come into worship for just fifteen minutes (as ours do), they may miss this sense of mysterious communion.
The first time I tried passing the ribbon, I knew it was a gamble: what if the kids used the ribbon to tie each other up? But we’d established some expectations, and everyone responded. As soon as the ball of ribbon started with the first child in the center, a deep hush fell as each one waited for the ribbon to come to them. Isn’t that like our expectant waiting? There were messages out of the silence that day that were moving and a tender feeling of sharing among us. We held the ribbon during worship and then at the rise, we cut the ribbon between us so each person had a piece to take home.
Appendix 2
A Short Bibliography About Worship With Children
Sparkling Still; A Quaker Curriculum for First Day School or Home Use for Children Ages 3-8, by the Sparkling Still Working Group of Friends General Conference. Available at FGC Quakerbooks.
Really useful in format and resource/book lists, a very good place to start for curriculum and also adaptable for family worship format.
Opening Doors to Quaker Worship by the FGC Religious Education Committee, 1994 Might be available on Amazon.com, (not available at the FGC Quakerbooks) Both thoughts about and structure for teaching about Quaker worship—check to see if it’s lurking in your meeting library.
Puddles of Knowing; Engaging Children in Our Prayer Heritage, by Marlene Halpern, 1984 – might be available used.
A nun tells the story of her prayer room in a Catholic school. Eloquent and inspiring. Example: Children respond to slides of Marc Chagall’s paintings.
Gently Lead; How to Teach Your Children about God While Finding out for Yourself, by Polly Berrien Berends, 1991—available used.
Polly is the author of the classic Whole Child, Whole Parent. In this book, she anecdotally tells her story of the ways one teaches as a parent. Don’t miss her explanation of the creative process being like a radio—it’s a great worship metaphor, too.
Four Doors to Meeting for Worship, by William Taber, Pendle Hill Pamphlet 306, 1992—from FGC Quakerbooks.
The closer we adults come to understanding worship, the better we may be able to make worship accessible to others—including children. This gives you much food for thought.
Peaceful Piggy Meditation by Kerry Lee Maclean, 2006.
Ideas work well with preschool to early elementary; helps you find effective ways to explain how to sit, how to clear the mind.
Young Children and Worship, by Sonja M. Stewart and Jerome W. Berryman, 1990 This gives the principles and framework that Stewart and Berryman use in Godly Play, which could be a springboard for thinking about entering biblical mystery with children.
Online resources
- Quakerspeak Video:
- How do Quakers Support Children’s Spirituality?
- Various exercises and resources:
- Quaker Religious Education Collaborative website
- From Friends General Conference:
- Meeting for worship in the classroom
- Family Meeting for Worship in the Monthly Meeting
- Spiritual Deepening
Consider getting trained to use Godly Play™ and/or Faith and Play© curriculums. The pedagogical principles can carry over into a family worship format, as can some of the stories. [We used “The Ten Best Ways to Live” (about the ten commandments) to make a lovely interactive family worship: we each put our 11th commandment on a construction paper ring that we joined together and displayed after worship.]
Appendix 3
Letter to Parents
A message about Family Meeting for Worship at ______________________ on the first Sunday of the month
Learning how to enter worship can be challenging for children. They experience so much through play and movement, that sitting still can seem antithetical to their spirit. Nevertheless, with our over-stimulated and distracting culture, it seems more and more important that children be able to find their center and their connection with God’s spirit in stillness.
Spend some quiet time together at home.
- Take time for some silence in giving thanks before meals.
- Linger for a quiet snuggle after a book is read.
- Reflect with your child about the day that has passed, listening to your hearts. What were the good things, the enjoyments, the satisfactions? What were the hard things, the times of hurt or confusion? Listen together then for a God response.
- When there is a problem or a disagreement, stop for a moment to breathe and pray and let your child know what you’re doing.
- When observing the natural world, taking time to stop and listen quietly can lead to new discoveries and can help children appreciate the value and joy of listening.
- Ask your child to join you in a few minutes of a yoga and meditation routine: Stretch. Sit down in a cross-legged posture with hands in the lap. Close eyes. Feel breath going in and out of one’s center. (A meditation bell is a wonderful addition.)
Think together with your child about how they can be alert to the Spirit when they are in worship.
What happens when your eyes are open? Have you ever tried to understand what is happening inside the other people at meeting? Have you ever blessed people as they come in the door?
What happens when your eyes are closed? Is there a “stream” of thought going through your mind? Can you think about beautiful things? I wonder if there are any problems you might ask God to help you with. I wonder if there things you are thankful for.
If you had something in your hands (bees wax, play dough, origami paper, a small cloth object), could holding it help you to go inside? I wonder if God might guide your hands. [Though reading is quiet, it is not an activity that provides an opening to the community sense of Spirit. Some people read to prepare and quiet the mind, but reading during worship itself draws the mind out of the corporate worship experience. It is an escape.]
At family worship, we have both program and time for open worship. Singing, story, sharing reflections, laughing, moving, learning, serving one another…all part of our time together, a celebration of the community which worships together. It is also a time of learning about unprogrammed worship, trying different ways to help all of us, but especially our children, understand more about the inward process of quieting and listening to God. Some of these ways you may have tried at home, others may be new. We hope you and your child will come in a spirit of openness to experimenting and discovery.
As in the “big meeting”, we rely upon one another—bringing our inner lights together in one place is like gathering candles to make more illumination. Our full presence is a real gift we give each other. The discipline of worship is meant to bring us collectively into the Presence. In practical terms, when children are mingled on the floor or playing with toys, they have a hard time avoiding distracting each other. Sitting in a self-contained position, conscious breathing, and parental presence can help. (Toddlers are an age when parents respond to whether they can stay in the circle or need to move outside of the space.)
You and your children are precious to the Meeting community. Come and share this experience.
Any comments about your family’s experience or questions or ideas for themes would be gratefully accepted.
[Here’s where you’d insert contact information]
Appendix 4
Sample Lesson A – Family Meeting, A Quiet Place (by Douglas Wood?)
Who | When | What |
Leader | 10:30 | Welcome! Nametags. Thanks for coming, glad you’re here. Anyone new? Today we’re going to hear the book A Quiet Place and then do some imagining about quiet places of our own. D is going to lead singing. |
Song Leader | 10:35 | Singing: Love love love love (or Tis a Gift to Be Simple?) Peace is Flowing Like a River Teach Me to Stop and Listen |
Leader | 10:45 | Thank you! Welcome again. Shall we go around with names? Is there anyone new? My name and one quiet place I know. |
Story Reader | 10:49 | Now story time: Anyone who wants to can come down to sit in front. We have a great story to share today. Can someone help me by holding the book so everyone can see and turning the pages? Read “A Quiet Place” (6 min) |
Leader | 10:55 | What kind of place would be a favorite quiet place for you? (share from group) |
Leader | 11:05 | We’re going to do a making project today, either a drawing or a little model. We hope that everyone, kids and adults, will think about what kinds of things and places help them when they want a quiet place. These can be places in our imagination, they don’t have to be real places where we’ve been. H, can you explain what we have to work with and what the options are? |
Project Leader | 11:07 | H explains table and material layout, including what you do when you’re done with your project. |
All | 11:10 | Project time, including admiration |
All/Leader | 11:25 | Now we are going to settle in for some silent worship together. You may hold your box or drawing if you wish. I wonder if it’s possible to hold that space inside? I wanted you to know that finding a quiet place is a very, very old tradition. The Bible tells us that Jesus would sometimes go to a quiet place, especially before and after some really important event, or if he’s been around lots of people. Sometimes he went into the desert. Sometimes he got in a boat and went out on the water. In a way, that’s what we do in worship. We’re in our separate boats but we’re all in the same water that holds us up. Being quiet helps us to connect with God, helps us to notice what’s going on inside. Get comfortable, but not touching anyone else unless it’s a parent. If you’re on the floor, you may sit cross-legged with your back straight. There are traditions that say that a straight back helps spiritual energy to flow. Breathe slowly, slow down. Close your eyes if you want. What quiet place are you going to? Silent Worship |
11:35 | Breaking meeting: Anyone have something to share about today? Announcements |
Sample Lesson B – Family Meeting, Prayer
Who | When | What |
Leader | 10:30 | Welcome! Nametags. Thanks for coming, glad you’re here. Today we’re going to talk about prayer, just beginning because it’s such a big topic. First we’ll sing, then G is going to tell a story, then we’re going to do a kind of prayer called a body prayer, and then we’ll have silent worship. First let’s sing! |
Song Leader | 10:35 | Singing probably three songs. Hallelu, Teach me stop and listen. Give me oil in my lamp. |
Leader | 10:44 | Thank you! Welcome again. Can we please go around with names? Since we’re in the Thanksgiving month, and since gratitude is the heart of prayer, can you say your name and one thing you’re grateful for. |
Leader | 10:50 | We have this chart here, with the first word “what”. What is prayer? (ideas from group) |
Leader | 10:56 | G is going to tell us a story about prayer, specifically the kind we do in Meeting for worship. The story is about the Where When How of praying for some children a long time ago, at a time when Quakerism was very new and being a Quaker could get you into big trouble! George – |
Storyteller | 10:58 | G tells story of the Children’s Meeting of Reading, (p 76, Opening Doors to Quaker Worship) with wondering questions at the end. |
Leader | 11:12 | We thought it would be nice to experiment with one way to pray with your body. It is also a good way to get your body ready for being still in silent worship. There are five parts to the body prayer and five people are going to speak their part and do their action. Then we are all going to do it with them. If you’re too close to move your arms, see if you can move to get more room.[I, J, G, J, and D do their parts with actions] Now we all do the actions together. [we do it] Are there any children who could be in front to be the person making the movements?[we do it again] “can we all say it?” We all repeat the last line of each action. [we do it again] now lets do it the last time and this time just think the words silently and do the actions.[we do that] Thank you everyone |
All/Chris | 11:25 | Now we are going to settle in for some silent worship together. Get comfortable, but not touching anyone else unless it’s a parent. If you would like to come sit on the rug, you may. Relax. Slow down. Breathe. Let God come in with your breath and out with your breath. Close your eyes if that helps you feel your inside more. I will light a candle that reminds us that God is always here. Breathe slowly, slow down. Close your eyes if you want. I will shake hands at the end. Silent Worship |
11:35 | Breaking meeting: I have some sheets you can take home so you can do the body prayer at home. Can I have a couple of passer outer? Announcements Let’s get this room ready for coffee. |