by Liz Yeats

It is my experience that most families coming to meeting for the first time are trying it out, having chosen Quakers as a neutral choice in their search for a spiritual home. Often the parents come from two different religious traditions or no tradition at all. They are seeking a place to be together with a community that will educate their children, give them a community of support in all life’s challenges, and call forth and embrace their gifts of service. They come because they have a sense that something is missing in their busy lives—a place to grow and be together in the Spirit.

Melinda Wenner Bradley puts it this way: “When a family with children walks in the meeting, there are three sets of needs we need to be prepared to support: the spiritual formation of the children, the spiritual journey of the parents as individual seekers drawn to Quakerism, and the family unit as they seek to find a spiritual community for their family to grow in and contribute to the larger life.”

What can we offer these seekers? What tools can our meetings use, whether large or small, urban or rural, to welcome and engage families of all sizes? Beth Collea has written about this issue in a recent Spark, “Family Friendly Meetings” which has many suggestions. Below are more ideas for outreach and engagement for families. These ideas are drawn from the experience of Friends in many meetings, shared in articles and Conversation Circles with Friends across the country sponsored by Quaker Religious Education Collaborative (QREC). They are shared here to spark more experiments with welcoming and engaging families in our meetings and in hope that wide and inclusive sharing will continue.

Initial Welcome

Most meetings offer some initial guidance for newcomers of all ages through their websites, written material at the door, and a greeter who has information about what takes place in meeting for worship including the opportunities for children. Parents may be particularly concerned about appropriate behavior of children during worship. Most Friends recognize that children are likely to disrupt their parent’s worship well before that of others. A statement to that effect may be helpful.

One Friend from a meeting in New England says it this way: Recognizing the tensions that exist for parents with children’s behavior, etc. and dealing with those concerns has been very important, particularly in a meeting where have not been children in some time. [There is a] need to reassure parents and let them know what’s OK.

Here is what it says on the Austin Friends website: Friends Meeting of Austin joyfully welcomes children. We seek to nurture and support the meeting’s young people and their families in their spiritual journeys. Children are welcome to participate in meeting for worship and can remain in meeting as long as they and their parents are comfortable. First Day School (FDS) is open to the children of all members, attenders, and visitors for children…Regular attendance is encouraged, but one-time or irregular attenders are also welcome.

To welcome families many meetings have quiet children’s toys, blankets, pillows, and appropriate books in the worship space. Also helpful are statements about the approach to teaching in FDS.

In many meetings, clear statements on child safety are available to address these parent concerns in any new setting. There are several meetings willing to share their statements and policies including Friends Meeting of Austin.

All Age RE (AARE)

Wellesley Friends experimented with and have been using AARE for several years now. In 2013, Friends in Austin learned about Wellesley’s AARE experiment and have embraced and morphed it into their way to help families come into Quaker faith and practice together. Most of the parents are as new to Quakerism as their children and learning with their children has proven an excellent way for all to grow in Spirit.

Friends in Moorestown Meeting (Philadelphia Yearly Meeting) for some time coordinated FDS lessons with a lesson on the same theme taught to adults and children separately. Then, adults and children all came back together to share.

Family Worship

Beginning in the 1980s, Friends Meeting of Cambridge established monthly all age Family Worship as follows:

Family Worship…is an intergenerational Meeting For Worship and all are invited to attend. The program is interactive and usually includes singing, a story or other presentation, and an activity based on a chosen theme for that Meeting. The program ends with a period of waiting worship…. Parents participate in Family Worship with their children, along with unrelated interested adults. Children of all ages are welcomed to attend, and Nursery care is available for infants and toddlers during any or all of that time.

Other meetings have adopted this practice, sometimes altering it to their needs. Some programmed meetings have a children’s meeting as part of the service.

Parents Night Out and Other Community Events

At Friends Meeting of Austin, adults from the FDS Committee cooked dinner and had activities for children while parents had a night out. Some parents did Christmas shopping. Others had a rare dinner for two. All came back early (uninvited as the children were really having a good time) and informally talked with one another about parenting issues.

At Wellesley Meeting, Parents Night Out was offered to families whose youngest child was 6 years old or younger. Childcare/games and supper were offered at the meetinghouse for all of the children, even if older than 6, and the parents had a potluck in a nearby home. Parents relaxed, laughed together and finished sentences!

Saturday nights seem to one of the best times for family friendly meeting events. Friends in various meetings have Game Nights with potlucks or just dessert potlucks. One meeting has a regular movie night in which a movie is chosen for its Quaker related content and appropriate nature for all ages.

Parenting Discussions

At Wellesley Meeting, Parent Conversations sessions brought parents and to the meetinghouse for fellowship dinner (we cooked for everyone) and then fun and games for the children while the parents settled in to consider topics like “Weaving the Testimonies into Our Parenting.”

Friends in Live Oak Meeting, Houston (South Central Yearly Meeting) have had monthly Saturday evening potlucks where the kids played and the parents would talk about a Quaker parenting topic or just catch up with each other.

Friends involved with the Quaker Parenting Initiative point out that religious education in the meeting happens mostly on 1st Day morning, but 95% of religious education happens in the home.

Moorestown Friends hosted Quaker Parenting Conversations and invited area meetings.

Ongoing Communication and Engagement with Families

At several meetings, a weekly email goes out to families announcing what’s happening in FDS that weekend, what the lesson will be about, who is teaching and any special events that are coming up. Some meetings follow up a visit by a new family with a handwritten note thanking them for coming and sharing some of their experience with why the meeting would be a great place for the family.

Recognizing Gifts

One meeting encourages children to come to business meeting and share their achievements and record minutes of such.

Parents are some of the busiest people in our meetings. However, engaging newcomers in meeting tasks can really help them integrate into the community. Asking a newcomer, even a busy parent, to do a small task after a few months gives them a way to contribute and feel they are valuable to the community. Austin Friends do cleaning tasks before eating meeting once a month. Families are encouraged to participate, sometimes children working with their parents, sometimes with other Friends. Bringing the gifts of parents to the attention of the Nominating Committee follows later.